For me, the most valuable thing I have to give someone is my
friendship. It is true and tested, it is not
Over the last couple of years I have become more aware of
friendships that went very deep and the ones that were only there for the sake
of "what can I get from this" experience. These were the friendship
that were only for a reason or a season.
Anyone who has worked with me over the years is well aware
of my philosophy in relationship building. It is not something that happens
overnight and it comes with giving before getting. A true relationship, whether
business or personal, starts from a giving space rather than a taking one. I believe
by giving, in return you will receive.
This not necessarily common to all from my experiences
though. I have been very disappointed and hurt when friends that I perceived as
close and dear to me, disintegrated as a result of lack of good communication and
perception.
I recognize that all relationships come in for a reason, a
season or a lifetime. For me, I endeavor to make them a lifetime, and always
leave the door open if the other wishes to return. This does not make it any
easier when the time comes to an end for whatever another's reason, as
obviously for them, their purpose of the relationship/friendship is no longer,
thus the status change.
The reason for an encounter with someone may be just to
teach a lesson and a once only experience. A season may be for a time from
weeks, months or a few years, whereas a lifetime is a friendship that endures
all, and is not broken by experiences. A lifetime friendship has no rules or
expectations.
My friendships are the most important part of my life and to
be betrayed goes very deep when it happens with someone I have held very dear.
I love my friends, on many levels, for who they are and what they bring to my
world. I appreciate and am grateful for the opportunities they give me
personally to learn and grow. I do not let a relationship end easily and it is
always the others option.
The new way of friendship building today via social media
and texting has some very good advantages along with some disastrous
repercussions owing to the lack of an ability to express oneself other than in
black and white. Relationships need to have 'grey' in them and expression
through feelings, facial features and body language, all of which are taken
away with this new form of communication. No
wonder we have so many challenges
in this area, and I do speak from personal experience here.
When a relationship goes to a deeper friendship, there can
be a fine line on where it goes and understanding is necessary. I take people
as they portray themselves to me, which is probably gullible at times and has
maybe been foolish, but unless I feel and have a reason not to go there, my
door is always open.
I ponder on the ability of some to close the door so very
easily, with no concept of what is left behind. I wonder how different my life
would have been if I was more discerning in whom I let into it so easily?
The leanings via these mediums for me have been enormous.
Although heartbreaking at times I have been left with a feeling of great loss
as a result of one or more lives I can no longer impact for all our growth.
As a lover of people, what others offer me for growth has
always been a fascination. We all have very different models of experience, eg
our beliefs and values, which come into play. We can either increase our
awareness of others and our own self-awareness by opening our peripheral vision
to see things from another's point of view, whilst looking deeper at our own
internal map of the world and sees where there is a mus-fit.
As a friend, where do you stand? Are you a true or a false friend?
I suggest that you consider the friendships you have now and how they fit into
your world.
What is your expectation from your friendships and what is
their perception of this too? This can be a good conversation to have with them
so that you remain on the same page and hurt and disappointment does not ensure
in the future. Remember though, that others hear your words from their own
awareness and experiences.
I have friendships that I have been prepared to give without
very much in return, owing to my ability to give unconditionally to them for
their growth. With these people I feel blessed that I have the opportunity to
be able to reflect and see what can be gained by my own self learning as a
result. There have been times that I have wondered why any sane person would do
this, and be hurt so often when there is little return, other than knowing that
by being there, I am providing growth and learning for us both which others may
never give.
If you have not had the learning experience of giving and
being in community it is harder to give as I have learned that it is usually a
learnt behaviour. Coming from many years of boarding school and community
experiences I learned early about giving. I was fortunate to have a full family
connection when I was very young, where sharing the growth of a child was
imperative. With grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends on stand-by at all
times, to take over when it was necessary for my parents, gave me different
perspectives, which now I recognize as being my great teacher.
